“I Don’t Wanna Live Forever, But I Don’t Wanna Die.” is the debut book from author Patrick Rebel. It is a series of poems reflecting back on some of the most traumatic and influential moments and people he has experienced. With poems about love, heartbreak, and near death experiences, Patrick uses the emotions from these encounters to paint a graphic and heart-wrenching picture of words throughout each page. Using a first-person approach with each poem, you are forced to step into the mind of the author who has seen some of the best and worst days of his young life giving each reader an opportunity to reflect back on moments where they have either had the same experience or the same thoughts as the author. Be prepared to cry, laugh, and cry again as you embark on the journey of a life that was almost taken too soon.
“Tears rolling down my face, I cried out” I don;t wanna live forever but I don;t wanna die.” At that moment I felt the cleansing of my soul. An emancipation of the little boy I kept imprisoned in my head because of the thing’s others did that I held only him accountable for. My breathing caught it’s normal pace. I had summarized the truth behind the constant battle I faced everyday within my own head.”
Raised in the suburbs of Georgia, the Connecticut native, Patrick Rebel, has always had a passion for writing. Growing up in a Caribbean home with his mother and 3 older sisters, music became one of his very first loves. With that love for music he would often find himself creating his own lyrics to every song he heard on the radio. That then turned into him taking those lyrics and turning them into poems. Those poems would consistently become a reflection on things he was going through. Traumatic events became a new norm for Patrick, from the absence of his father, the passing of his “Uncle Daddy”, his ongoing battle with his mother about his sexuality and just the constant struggles of growing up as a black gay boy in America.
In his late teens to early twenties, Patrick experienced military life, engagement, marriage, divorce, engagement (again), cross-country moves, all while coping with mental health issues. Those issues would soon become material for his debut book, “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever, But I Don’t Wanna Die.” The book debuted at #1 on the Amazon New Release list for Gay & Lesbian poetry and has been highly celebrated within the community. The poetic tone Patrick speaks in is dramatic and heart wrenching, giving readers constant anticipation within each stanza.
As he evolves as writer, Patrick, plans on releasing more books along with venturing out within multiple different artistic languages such as song-writing, screen-play and movie scripting. Using his platform and creativity to bring awareness to those voices and stories the world has yet to experience.
Get to Know the Author
What is the inspiration behind your book, “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever, But I Don’t Wanna Die.”?
“This book is a series of poems that reflect back on different things I’ve experienced whether it be the traumatic event of being molested or falling in love. It was inspired by my need to heal from those events giving myself a perspective of now being a survivor and to finally share with the world the reason I am the man I am today.”
What made you come up with this particular title for your first book? “The most interesting thing about this title is that it is a legit quote from one of my therapy sessions. I was sharing with my therapist my very thought when it came to my failed suicide attempt. It was a feeling of fear to live but also the fear of death and that medium that is the most scary and confusing mindset that can cause the most extreme thoughts and measures.”
What is the inspiration behind this beautiful book cover? “The book cover was actually designed by my talented nephew Omar. My nephew and I pretty much grew up together with my sister having him when I was 9 years old. He’s been witness to a lot of these emotions I am expressing in my book so he actually reached out to me with a vision for the book and knowing his expertise when it comes to photography and graphics, I trusted him completely. The cover symbolizes me reaching for my true self to pull me out from a phase of depression that almost led to me giving up my own life. The hands holding me down symbolize friends, family and my enemies all playing a part in keeping me away from my true destiny.”
What is an event that you write about in the book that you feel changed you the most? “One of the most emotional poems I’ve ever written is called ‘Save me from the Sanctuary’. I don’t wanna give too much away because once you read it you can pretty much figure out exactly what it’s about. But this event impacted my faith tremendously. It forced me to find my own definition of “spirituality”. This traumatic event is one I had never shared with anyone before prior to this book so it was refreshing to be able to take this tragedy and turn it into a story of
What is a quote or short poem you would write to the 13 year old ‘Patrick’? “ ‘To live the life you love you must love the life you live.’ ” That was actually a quote from my best friend. I hold that quote near to my heart because being someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety I feel like the best medicine you can give to yourself is a positive mindset. It won’t always be easy but your disposition on life has a lot of weight on how your upcoming days will be.”
What do you want your readers to take back from experiencing this book?
“The major thing I want all my readers to take from this book is the art of being a survivor. Yes, there are a lot of messed up things that can happen to you but first, acknowledge yourself as a victim however don’t stay in that mindset for too long. Begin to take control of anything that hurt you and praise yourself for surviving. That praise will then transition into strength that will make things so much harder to hurt you.”
What is next for ‘Patrick Rebel’? “Being an author has always been a lifelong dream of mine so i will always continue to write. I’m working on a collectors edition of “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever, But I Don’t Wanna Die.” that will be available soon. That will have extended poems, some short stories about certain topics within the book, visuals inspired by the poems and some bonus poems. I’m also working on songwriting, another passion of mine. So just be prepared to see Patrick Rebel become a household name pretty soon.”
Find the author and the book here