Here’s the situation… You’re living what you think is the American Dream—you’re married, with the house, the car, three kids and life couldn’t be better. Then reality hits and you find out that your perfect marriage is slowly falling apart because the man you married isn’t who you thought he was. Your worst nightmare is finally confirmed in your heart and mind and the only question left to ask yourself is How Could My Husband Be GAY?
The Situation Room with Michelle Cuttino gets up close and personal with Ondrea L. Davis as she talks about her failed marriage, the down low drama and her autobiographical novel that helped tell her story. As the staggering number of men living on the down low continues to increase, Ondrea allows her story to unfold within the pages of How Could My Husband Be GAY? hoping to help other women and men who may find themselves in a similar situation.
Michelle: How long were you with your ex-husband, Marceous King, before you married him? How did the two of you meet?
Ondrea: I was with him for almost two years before we were married. We met at a store in the mall I used to work at the time.
Michelle: How long were you married?
Ondrea: The marriage lasted 5 years before we separated and then the final divorce took 2 additional years.
Michelle: What did you consider to be your “Red Flags”?
Ondrea: My red flags were more signs that he was conceited. The signs that would tell that he started leading a gay life occurred after we were married and it was too late.
Michelle: Do you feel like there were signs that you ignored?
Ondrea: There were definitely signs that I ignored. Again, not so much that he would be gay, but there were things to signal future problems in the marriage such as his being abnormally close to his family. This became the worse problem that I faced, which I believe then encouraged the gay lifestyle. As long as he had the backing of his family, I didn’t matter to him.
Michelle: What was your breaking point and how long did it take you to get to it?
Ondrea: My breaking point was when I basically gave him an ultimatum and he did not choose. In my mind, his silence was his choice and it wasn’t in my favor. So I knew then that the emotional connection I tried to preserve with him needed to be cut and I had to work on my exit plan. I still functioned as his wife, but I officially began the process to accept that he no longer wanted me, no longer cared about me and had a life of his own.
Michelle: What events led to your ex-husband’s confession about his sexuality? Was he apologetic?
Ondrea: Marceous actually never confessed to me. He has never had the guts to come right out and come clean with me about his sexuality. If he had, I would have been able to have some type of respect for his honesty. So, no, he has never been apologetic about what happened to our family as a result of his choices.
Michelle: If I may ask, what is the sex and age of your three children?
Ondrea: Currently, my twin girls are 10 years old and my son is 8.
Michelle: How did you break the news to them and when?
Ondrea: I broke the news to them early this year in January 2011. I had to do it then for three reasons. First, they had been exposed to a lot already, but were too young to know what it really meant. Second, someone had already addressed my children concerning the sexuality of their father and they didn’t know how to handle it at the time. And because he never addressed the situation with them, I was forced to shed light on what was being said to them. Lastly, the book was getting ready to be released, so I wanted them to know before someone else got to them and gave them any details.
Michelle: Why did you decide to take your story public and write a book about what some may view as an embarrassing and unspeakable situation?
Ondrea: This situation is very embarrassing, but when the project was posed to me, I automatically accepted because I wanted to make sure people know what is going on out here.
Michelle: Do you feel like this experience has changed you? If so, in what way?
Ondrea: This experience has definitely changed me. It has made me a better woman than I was when I was first married. It has taught me to value myself more and not to settle just because of my current circumstances. It made me push to accomplish goals that Marceous thought he had prevented me from reaching. I value the sanctity of marriage even more than I did then and now realize more of who Ondrea is as a mature woman.
Michelle: What do you want people to come away with once they read this book? Was it meant to help others, or was it more in the line of a healing process for you and your family?
Ondrea: There are so many different things I believe a person can come away with after reading this story. The story was meant to help others and bring out awareness about some of the threats of the family structure. If my story being told can help the ladies to be more cautious when entering relationships and considering marriage then I am extremely happy to put myself on the line. Additionally, if a man can take away that it is not worth it in the end to bring a woman and children into a situation where they start out with no chance at having the love and honesty they deserve from him, then I am even more satisfied. This process also became a healing experience for me, forcing me to confront the different feelings that I had buried in order to press forward for myself and my children. My co-author, J’son M. Lee and TJ Adams of Foresight, were very instrumental in this process because they had to take the journey with me.
Michelle: If you could change anything about your situation, what would it be?
Ondrea: If I could change anything about my situation, it would be that I would have never married Marceous. I would have been more careful and made better choices. I would have prayed before getting involved with him.
Michelle: How did you hook up with J’son M. Lee and Foresight Publishing, LLC?
Ondrea: TJ Adams had a previous professional connection with J’son and thought that he would be the perfect fit to help me bring my story to life because he was already an author. He introduced us and we discussed our expectations for the project, consented to work together and the rest is history. We are all now one big happy family.
Michelle: Did you always want to be a writer, or did this experience awaken the gift?
Ondrea: I never dreamed that I would have ever been an author. So I would have to say that this project awakened the gift. I was always good at writing papers in school, but that was the extent of my writing. Through working with J’son, I was able to, in his words, “find my voice” as an author. It has been an eye-opening experience learning from him and for his guidance, I will forever be grateful.
Michelle: Are there more books in the future for you? If so, will they be non-fiction as well, or are you looking to write fiction?
Ondrea: Yes, there are definitely more books on the table for the future. Many readers have requested a part two to How could my husband be GAY? because of how it ends, so we will have to see what comes of that. There are a number of other ideas that keep coming up to the forefront, so readers can definitely expect future releases.
Michelle: What advice would you give to both men and women who may or may not find themselves in your unique situation, but you feel they should know or take heed to regardless of the fact?
Ondrea: My advice to men and women is very simple. Be honest with yourself and others. It pays off when you come to terms and accept the reality of who you are, as well as who the other person is. I agree with the saying, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” If honesty is not a large piece of the foundation of the relationship, it won’t work in the end and you will have just wasted your time.
Michelle: Finally, is there anything else you would like to say?
Ondrea: Thank you for the opportunity to interview with you Michelle!
Michelle: And Thank YOU for sharing yourself with us, Ondrea. I applaud you for speaking up and speaking out.
Love between a man and a woman remains a mystery to many of us. The differences between the sexes will perplex our minds until the end of time. Love is parallel to none when it comes down to the impact that it has on our lives. For adolescents, it can change the course of emotions and academic performance. For adults, it can add purpose and fulfillment to our daily lives. For seniors, it can bring a warm feeling of comfort that embodies the ideal of twilight years.
How could my husband be GAY? is an autobiographical look into the life of Ondrea L. Davis. On the outside, Ondrea’s life is nothing short of a fairy tale. She has a dream home, the perfect husband and three beautiful children. Ondrea soon discovers that her husband, Marceous King, is not the man she thought she married. Exhausting all efforts to salvage her marriage, Ondrea finds herself in the fight of her life. In the process, she uncovers a highly sophisticated web of deception and shocking secrets. Marceous will stop at nothing to keep Ondrea from exposing the truth and derailing his plan – even if it means destroying her in the process.
Listen to Ondrea’s voice and hear her thoughts as scripted by J’son’s pen. Feel her pain as she struggles even until this very day. This painful experience is riddled further by a diverse conglomeration of talent: the mastermind behind such a powerful novel – a married family man, a single mother of three beautiful children and an urban gay professional. This team birthed a poignant, true tale of pain, distrust and at times fervent passion. This work is a testament of what life really is about – LOVE without boundaries.
Have you ever ignored any red flags regarding your mate? How could my husband be GAY? may cause you to never make that mistake again.
About the Authors
Ondrea L. Davis is a native of the Washington, DC area. She graduated from South University earning a degree in Business Administration with a concentration in Accounting. She is currently pursuing her MBA. Davis is a 34 year old mother of three who resides in Upper Marlboro, MD. She is also the owner of a growing Accounting & Consulting firm. How could my husband be GAY? is her first novel.
J’son M. Lee, though born in Brooklyn, New York, is essentially a North Carolinian. He graduated from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill earning a degree in Speech Communication with a concentration in Performance Studies. Lee is 42 years old and resides in Baltimore, Maryland. He is also the author of Just Tryin’ To Be Loved.