Successful. Beautiful. Intelligent. Yet a satisfying relationship eludes Debra Hampton. At thirty-five years old, she can’t figure out why her philosophy on men—and what they want from women—isn’t working. She’s trapped in a cycle of shattered relationships, until a friend refers her to a relationship guru. After some resistance, Debra finds refuge in his counsel as he helps her navigate through the storms of rejection and failed love. Once he reveals the error of her ways, will Debra master the forbidden secrets to attract her soul mate or continue to keep love at bay?
Valerie J. Lewis Coleman has helped women find relational fulfillment by identifying the four types of male hunters, avoiding seventy percent of men who only want the goody box and winning the heart of Mr. Right-For-You. She explains how she overcame struggles and offers proven techniques to help you get off the crazy cycle of relational demise in her bestselling novel The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box!
Get to know the author:
- What inspired you to write The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box?
My man problem started when I was a little girl. At about nine or ten years old, with ponytails and a bright smile, my father—who wanted sons, but got daughters—taught me what he could about the mechanics of sex, but not the emotional component. Somehow, mom missed it. Guess you can’t teach what you don’t know. In my fourth-grade sex education class, I answered all the questions about fallopian tubes, uterus, vas deferens. I was a geeky, nerdy, bookworm through high school and into college; and at home I was introverted, a homebody who didn’t go to football games, socialize or any other non-academic endea
vor and I knew absolutely nothing about the real mystery of life: men.
I made gobs of mistakes with men. Even with a background in engineering, I didn’t understand how men thought or why men did what they did. When it came to men, I was clueless!
After repeatedly choosing Mr. Wrong, years of heartache and an overabundance of frustration, what did I know? The mechanics and not the emotional component. I finally found a great guy. We’ve been married now for twenty years. But here’s the deal, I didn’t know what I did differently to win his heart. What was it that brought Craig from being a blueprint to a loving man? Mechanics seemed the same. Maybe it was the repeatability which is the main factor of a sustainable and workable project for problem-solving engineers. I just didn’t know and then it began.
I researched and studied men. I conducted surveys and interviews, watched videos. I got the inside scoop on man-cave, barber-shop, locker-room conversations women aren’t normally privy to and developed the top three things every woman must know about men. Relationship advice that your father didn’t tell you and your mother didn’t know as laid out in my novel, The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box.
- What complaints have women made about men and how does The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box address them?
Do these complaints sound familiar? I am so tired of repeating the same old relationship mistakes. All men are dogs. I can’t find a decent guy. I am tired of looking for Mr. Right, but finding Mr. Wrong. Nothing seems to work and I don’t know what to do anymore. Men are complicated.
When you read The Goody Box Book, you’ll learn to redefine your meaning of the word ‘betrayal’ and recognize that men have hunting skills that you can fall prey to in the world of relationships. Like the skills of the male hunter identified as a ‘parasite’ who can stand in the way of you experiencing a satisfying relationship.
Like Monica in Oklahoma: a tall, eye-catching woman with short hair and a welcoming smile. Her problem: she kept attracting opportunistic men like leeches that deplete resources. With a great career in the entertainment industry, men wanted to drive her car, live in her house and eat her food. And going out on dates; a hot mess. Imagine: Dinner for two in a quaint, romantic restaurant. Reservations for the table near the fountain crafted from weathered bronze. Dimly lit chandeliers and a band playing easy-listening music as you play footsies under the table. But, when the waiter arrives with the check, your date acts like he doesn’t have money to pay it! It wasn’t until Monica read Chapter 11 The Making of Mr. Right in The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box that she realized:
- Her actions attracted the parasite-like men.
- Making a few minor adjustments like creating a list of dating must-haves and preferences allowed her to avoid the blood suckers to attract more suitable men.
- And the most important lesson, she deserved to be loved the way she wanted to be loved.
- How does The Goody Box Book help women better understand men?
You’ll recognize the many masks that men can wear which affords you the ability to choose whether you want to be with that man. Like Tamara from Ohio, a middle-aged woman who loved the bad boy who put his needs above hers. She was attracted to the handsome, smooth-talking predator who said all the right things, but did the opposite. Wounded, she hobbled from relationship-to-relationship each time carrying more hurt, more disappointment and higher expectations. She kept trying, but she couldn’t avoid the man who made her tingle when she was at her lowest: vulnerable, lonely and craving love. Tamara really connected with Debra in The Goody Box Book. She understood that her value was not tied to a man or his validation. She has since made herself the priority by loving herself, setting standards for dating—and sticking to them—identifying predators and then running in the opposite direction!
- Is a fulfilling relationship possible?
Absolutely! You’ll become aware of how to look at your relationship through a different set of eyes. You’ll recognize that your relationship is not accidental, but rather shaped by you. And, when you are aware of the types of men to avoid, you’ll be able to create the relationship that you have only dreamed about. For example, Carmen from Cincinnati. Carmen was in her forties when she became totally disgusted with men. After years of dealing with men who weren’t worthy of her love, she connected with a man whom she felt was the one. Not long after the relationship began, he had won her heart and her goody box. The intense passion clouded her judgment as she believed she was his number one lady. After giving her all to him and mentally planning for a wedding, he dropped the bomb on her. Not only was she not his only lady, he had multiple women, some of whom Carmen knew as friends! How was he able to manipulate these women? Because he was dealing with drama from his ex, he asked that the relationship(s) remain secret until the chaos subsided to protect her [them] from incident. Willing to oblige him for his fantastic love-making and unwilling to brawl, all of the women kept his secret.
Sidebar: Your relationship vision is blurred when emotions come into play. Like trying to watch a 3D movie with 2D glasses!
Back to Carmen. Once she realized that she was one of his chew toys (chewed, buried and dug up when he wanted to play), she gracefully bowed out of the competition. Hurt, disappointed and frustrated, a friend gifted her with The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box. Carmen read the book, re-read it and then read it again. She extracted the information that pertained to her dating mistakes and launched an I-Love-Myself-Too-Much-to-Give-You-My-Goody campaign.
Sidebar: Don’t settle for being his number one. You must be his only one.
Within a year, she met, dated and married the man of her dreams. For their first anniversary, she told me that The Goody Box Book was her landscape for getting married. She didn’t give up the goods and as a result, won his heart. The principles that Carmen and thousands of other women applied are captured in The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box.
- How do men respond to The Goody Box Book?
Initially, I was surprised at the number of men who purchased The Goody Box Book. Always in “man whisperer” mode, I inquired. The results were enlightening:
- Some men purchased the book to see if I knew what I was talking about. Thousands of copies sold and not one man has refuted my findings.
- Some men purchased the book to learn more about women. Sadly, a portion of these men hoped to use the secrets against women; however, when you correctly apply the principles, their efforts are futile.
- The majority of men who purchase the book are reformed hunters who want to protect their daughters, sisters and mothers from landing in the crosshairs of a goody box hunter. Bless their hearts!
Cyrus Webb, a radio-show host and reformed hunter, uses his platform to initiate conversations between men and women. After reading The Goody Box Book, he agreed that when a man wants a relationship with a woman, it’s not about the sex. Men have to want you for you—and only then can the relationship be built to last. He asked me to let women know that you are so much more than a walking goody box to the man who wants a committed relationship.
- What is the prevalent message in The Goody Box Book?
A simple shift in your current thinking can change your entire world! You’ll experience the practical step-by-step formulas that will help you uncover your uniqueness and your ability to express and be heard in a relationship: the power of loving yourself first.
You’ll experience chapter after chapter of the natural instincts to move through the challenges that the wrong men can throw at you, the highs and the frustrations that can cause you to want to quit along the way and the gift of strength when you don’t.
Theresa from Charlotte loves men. Who doesn’t? But her track record with finding a quality man was like leaping over a ten-foot hurdle. False start after false start put her in last place every time, until she mastered being a man whisperer by implementing the strategies in The Goody Box Book. She has now taken the lead in the race for relational fulfillment and is taking home the gold!
Your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is that you get to walk away with the tools and the knowledge to gain something that you always knew was there, but didn’t recognize!
- What’s next for The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box?
The Goody Box Book brand is expanding. The audio book releases later this year with an awesome theme song created by an award-winning producer. The first chapter and the theme song are posted at TheGoodyBoxBook.com/Audio-Book.
Although The Goody Box Book is a clean read (the youngest reader that I am aware of was twelve years old), the demand for a prequel has been overwhelming. Parents, grandparents and school officials are requesting a teen edition to help young ladies avoid the heartaches of failed love. However, before I write the youth fiction, the sequel will release in 2015. Readers are anxious to know what happened with Sherry and Dwight, Debra and Jarrus and the love triangle between Rachel, Brian and Conrad.
I have been contracted to conduct workshops, seminars and keynotes at schools, churches and organizations to empower women and girls. Why He Left You for Her and I Love Myself Too Much to Give You My Goody are catalysts for a nationwide movement.
The I Love Myself t-shirt line is now available to further brand The Goody Box Project. High-quality cotton women’s tees embroidered with an image of a beautiful woman/girl and the affirmation of self-love. Visit TheGoodyBoxBook.com/The-Store to order your shirt today.
I collaborated with fellow author and advocate for “girl power,” Karen M.R. Townsend, Ph.D., to create the Uterus Adventures (UAs) (TheUterusAdventures.com). UAs are ladies-only experiences and excursions designed for women who are willing to step outside their comfort zone to embrace the courage they never knew they had! These adventures are single-day events and weekend excursions that include empowerment workshops, a challenging adventure and time dedicated to debrief the experience.
In appreciation for hosting me on your blog, I am giving away an autographed copy of The Forbidden Secrets of the Goody Box. To be entered in the drawing, join the mailing list at TheGoodyBoxBook.com/TheBook. Increase your odds of winning by
- Liking my fan page at Facebook.com/ValerieJLewisColeman
- Adding a Facebook comment at TheGoodyBoxBook.com/TheBook
- Tweeting a comment about the book using @penofthewriter
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